


What Might have Been

by rayrod67



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Everything is temporary., Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:17:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayrod67/pseuds/rayrod67
Summary: Robron version of It's a Wonderful Life. Robert is shown what life would be like for those he loves if he had never been born.





	1. The wish

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep this light but wasn't very successful. Please be aware of the warnings. This story is complete. I am editing the other 2 parts. But it is finished. I need to stop writing new stories and complete the 2 multi chapter fics I have going. Anyway thanks to all of you who are reading my stories.

Robert stood on the edge of the quarry. The view blurred by the tears in his eyes. “Why don't I ever learn?” The words shouted out in the darkness of the night. The answering echo a taunting reminder of how Robert once again put his foot in it.

All he wanted was to make a little extra money. Enough to finish all the repairs on the Mill house and add a few extras. Then take Aaron on a holiday. Just the two of them. They hadn't really had time to celebrate their engagement, not properly. Not a lot to ask for not really.

He hadn't meant to hurt anyone. It was just supposed to be a quick way to increase his profits. It was nothing too shady just a bit of job on the side. All he had to do was not ask too many questions of what his clients wanted hauled. Not too much involvement the client had his own driver all he needed was the truck. Simple plan really.

Only it didn't work out that way. His plans seldom do.

He knew he should have called the whole thing off. Especially when he heard Aaron in his head calling him a muppet for thinking this was anyway okay. Instead he talked himself into it. It'll be fine, no big deal. Nothing too dodgy. Nothing to worry about.

Only it turned out to be quite a big deal and dodgy as hell.

Just his luck that the person asking for the favor was a man with a dark and dangerous past. The name of the company he had given Robert was under investigation for trafficking in drugs. He wanted to move them out fast and under the radar. So he contacted Robert and offered a very nice bonus on top of all the fees. He sweetened the pot by supplying his own driver.

Robert having no knowledge of any of that said, of course! How could Robert say no? It was easy money.

It's a shame the man didn't vet out his driver better. If he had he would have known that the man was an undercover MI5 agent. If that wasn’t bad enough the damn man in his effort to get escape shot at the agents injuring injuring him and another agent. God forbid one of the officers dies. He could be held as an accomplice to murder.

Then its game over. 

It's already game over. You lose Robert.

Aaron, what was he going to tell Aaron? He had promised his fiancée that he was done with the games and all the illegal stuff.

He's going to tell me to leave. Just like my dad did. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe Aaron would be better off without me. Maybe they all would?

Lifting his eyes to the dark sky he whispers softly, “Everyone would have been better off if I'd never been born.” Robert dropped his head in his hands. “I wish I had never been born.” As Robert makes his wish a falling star races across the night sky.  
There is a hum of electricity in the air. Something is there that should not be. Disturbing the quiet of the night. Robert feels a soft caress along his cheek pulling him from his depressive state. When he looks up no one is there.

“Do you really wish tthat?” A disembodied voice asked.

“Who said that?” Robert stood up, squinting, searching for the owner of the voice.

“I did.” the words whispered directly in his ear.

“What?” Robert turned around so fast that he lost his balance and tumbled off the edge of the quarry. His breath is pushed from his lungs as he free falls. The cold crisp air is like needles against his skin.

Oh God! I did it! I didn't mean too! I wasn't ready! Aaron I'm sorry.

“Robert, open your eyes.” The voice is once again breathed against his ear.

Reluctantly Robert does as he asked. The first thing he notices is that he has stopped falling. The second thing he notices is that he is at the bottom of the quarry. A quick look down shows him that his feet have yet to land. They are at least one foot off the ground. “How?” he raises wide shocked eyes to the man stood in front of him.

“Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I'm here to prevent you from falling. Not push you off.” The man said ruefully. “I'm new to this. You're my first case.”

“Your first case, what case?” Robert wanted to move away from the strange man, alarm bells ringing loud and harsh in his head. However movement was restricted when your feet were not even touching solid earth.

“This is going to sound a bit crazy.” The man smiled brightly. “I'm your guardian Angel.”

“My guardian angel.” Robert was positive he was already dead. Or insane.

“You're not you know?” The Angel told him.

“Not what?” Robert really wished the man would put him down.

“Dead or insane.” The Angel smiled dark eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Ok, if you say so. Can you please set me down?” Robert was getting very close to losing it. He had no idea what was going on but he was sure that he was either drugged or drunk. Because there was no way this could be happening.

“It is happening Robert.” The Angel looked apologetic. “It wasn't supposed to happen quite like this but what can you do?” he shrugged and gestured his hand in a downward motion.

Robert felt the ground solid beneath his feet again. “Thank you. I should be on my way.” Robert turned to leave when he was stopped by the Angel.

“You can't.” the Angel informed him.

“Why not?” Robert edged away from the man/hallucination.

“Because you made a wish. You wished you had never been born.” The celestial being shook his head at the mortal. “Do you really wish that?”

“Yes. I have caused so much pain to those I love. I'm not sure why they even tolerate me.” The sadness in the mortal man’s voice shook the angel through his core.

“Have you nothing good in your life to keep you here?” The Angel knew the man did.

“Of course I do. But I'm not good for them. I only bring them down.” Robert thought of his beautiful Aaron sitting at home wondering why he had not come home yet from work. Then of course there was Victoria and Diane. They had already lost Andy how would they handle losing him? A dark voice in his head shouted that they would be just fine. Maybe even better.

“You know that's not true.” The Angel appeared right in front of Robert. His face etched with concern for his charge. “You really think that they would be better off without you?”

“Yes.” Robert nodded, a feeling of darkness and despair etched in his voice and body.

“Well then, let’s see.” The Angel reached out his arm to Robert to begin their journey.

 

**********  
“I think I’m going to throw up.” Robert swallowed the bile that burned at his throat. Bracing himself on his hands and knees he waited out the nausea. He found the cool dirt beneath his hands settling and calming.

“Sorry. There’s no way to ease in to that.” The Angel sat down on a bale of hay waiting patiently for his charge to gather his bearings.

When Robert was sure his stomach was settled enough to keep its contents intact he opened his eyes. “Where are we?” he asked but deep down he already knew where he was.

The Angel said not a word letting the man take in his surroundings.

“The farm. I’m home.” Robert stood on shaky legs. Taking a steadying breath he looked around taking in all the familiar scents and sound from his childhood. When his life had been easy and near to perfect as can be. At least for a little while. Robert was lost to so many memories that it took him a while to notice that he was not alone. There was a man weathered and gray working in the barn.

Robert was ready to make excuses as to why he was there. The words ready on his lips when the man walked right by him. Taking no notice of him or his unusual companion.

“He can’t see or hear you.” His Angel told him.

Robert watched in fascination as the old man struggled with the chores. Robert had to admire the man’s determination to get the job done. It was then when the old man turned facing Robert that recognition hit him.

“Dad.” Robert's throat filled with unshed tears. His father was alive and still running the farm. “How is he still alive?” Robert felt both love and resentment for this man. Love because he was his father and he loved him. But deep down there was resentment because his father's love came with conditions. “I don't understand.” Robert watched his father, taking in how much older he looked. Face creased with lines that had not been there before. Grey hair, well where he had hair still. His father a man larger than life reduced to shell of man by age.

“Not just age.” The Angel said.

Frowning Robert turned his attention back to his father. There was something off. There was something missing in his father. Some inner strength and light that has dimmed, faded. His father once stood tall and strong but now his spirit was somehow diminished. “What's happened to him? He looks so sad and lost.”

“He is. The life he thought he would have has not come to be.” The Angel watched with such tenderness as Jack moved about the farm. “All he is and all he has is this farm. With his age it’s getting harder and harder for him to keep up with. Still he gets up every morning determined to fight another day and keep the creditors at bay.”

“Where is Andy? Vic? Why are they not helping him?” Robert hated this. He wanted to see his father happy. He never wanted to see him suffering. “I don’t understand.”

“It's not that hard to understand. You were never born so Andy and your family never crossed paths.” Without Andy his father was never shot. So he lived. But other things changed as well. “You were the one who brought Andy into your parent’s life. You weren't born so Andy never joined your family.”

“I forgot.” Andy was his friend and it was because of Robert that Andy became his brother. Why was his father still alone? What of his mother? Sarah? Diane?

His mother! If his father still lived then maybe, “My mom? Is she alive as well?” Robert asked voice filled with hope.

“Some deaths were slated to happen as written long ago. Your birth mother was not meant long for this earth.” The Angel placed a comforting hand on Robert's shoulder. “Her death was written in stone.”

A tear fell down Robert's cheek. He had so hoped. “And Sarah?” Robert's voice was again filled with so much longing and hope.

The Angel shook his head sadly. “No Sarah still passed.”

“But how? Andy started the fire.” Robert felt his whole body turn cold with dread.

“Come there is some place you need to see.”

“No I want to stay here with my father. I don't want to leave him alone.” Robert begged eyes firmly on this man that looked like his dad but was not. There were so many things he wanted to share with his father. So many things he needed to explain and confess. He wanted his father to understand the man he became. Understand and accept. Tell him about his life with Aaron.

“Your father was but the first step to show you what life without Robert Sugden would be like. Those you love and who love you are all affected by your wish. It's time to move on.” The Angel touched Robert's arm.

Robert was once again overcome with nausea and his head dizzy and light. When he could finally open his eyes he found himself stood in the cemetery. The stone before him read Sarah Sugden mother. “Death January 2, 2009. What happened?”

“Sarah couldn't handle the loss of her child.” The Angel bent down and placed a single red rose a top the stone.

“Her child?” the words were forced from Robert's throat. His breath gone and stones cold and heavy in his stomach.

The Angel nodded his head to the stone beside that of Sarah's.

“No.” Robert closed his eyes in anguish.

Victoria Sugden  
Born on 31st of March, 1994  
Met her eternal peace on 25th of December, 2008

“Oh Vic.” Not his baby sister. Please not his baby sister.

“You weren't born. So Andy never joined your family. Because he wasn't a part of your family Daz wasn't around to save Victoria from the frozen lake. She drowned.”

“I don't want to see this. Not anymore. Please take me home now.” Robert fell to his knees his head held in his hands. “I never wished for this!”


	2. What can never be!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's journey continues. This time it is so much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have commented and left me kudos. Happy you all are enjoying this. This chapter is a bit darker than the first. Nothing too graphic. Mind the tags please! Thanks again!

“Open your eyes Robert.” The Angel's voice held no compassion or comfort for the crying man. He was there to show this mortal man the consequences of his wish. The consequences of his selfishness to wish his failures away and leave the world. Not thinking that his departure from this world would bring all the darkness and pain to those he loved. Not thinking of how many men and women would love to be living with their failures. “We are...” The Angle faded out into his celestial form as his barely remembered emotions of anger took over . With the show of thunder and lightening he let the mortal man feel his words deep in his soul. “..far from done.”

Robert shuddered his bones creaked and ached at the threatening tone of the Angel. Pain like he has never felt ripped through his brain and words not spoken burned into his skull. Eyes held tightly shut Robert felt his stomach twist and turn the burn of vomit thick in his throat. A moment of free falling followed quickly by a hard landing. The vertigo hitting him hard when he opened his eyes. “I don't want to see anymore. How can it possibly be worse then what you have already showed me?”

“Look.” the Angel demanded.

Robert turned to where the Angel pointed. It was then Robert realized where he was standing. A prison cell. He stood in the middle of the cell. Right in front of him was a bed with a prisoner laying in it. The prisoner was thin and looked very sickly. He just lay there staring right where the Angel stood. The mans eyes were wild and dark with with madness. A tear held unchecked fell down Robert's cheek. “Andy.” Robert whispered and moved to his brother. His hands reaching out to comfort the man. His breath suddenly stolen from him when his hands moved through his brother.

“You are here to watch not interact.” The Angel looked on dispassionately at Andy.

“What happened? Why is he here?” Robert eyes moved along the thin man in front of him. Searching for any sign that this was truly his brother. He could find nothing familiar of the lost broken man in front of him.

“In this time line Andy became involved with Max King and his father. He helped Max poison the cows belonging to the Briggs family. Only before they could put the poison in the feed they were caught. Mr. Briggs chased after them. Andy was driving when he took off he had no idea that Mr. Briggs was behind them. He ran him over killing him instantly.”

“Max?” Robert asked.

“He saw Briggs go down and under the car. In his panic to stop Andy he pulled on the steering wheel causing the car to flip.”

“He died when it exploded.” Robert stated matter of fact.

“Yes. As I mentioned before some deaths were meant to happen regardless.”The Angel moved over to Robert and pulled him back up to a standing position. “The guilt of both their deaths had Andy turning himself in. He didn't fight the charges. He wanted to be punished. So he is.”

Robert stood by and watched as the scene before him darkened and Andy faded away with his prison cell. “Please tell me that was the worse. Please.” Robert begged. He could not handle this anymore. This was a dream. He knows it. It was just a bad, horrible dream. One that he would wake up from any minute now. He would wake up and Aaron would be there beside him making that cute little snuffling noise he makes. The one that soothes and comforts Robert on nights that he can't sleep.

The Angel gave Robert a look of pity. For this next part would be the worst and even the Angel did not want to see. “It was your wish that brought this about. You must see it through to the end.” the Angel's voice was haunting with accusation.

Robert felt his stomach fall and his head spin as the angel transported them to another place. “You really need to warn me next time.” Bent over and hand held tight over his mouth he waited for the queasy feeling to pass. Finally Robert felt he had control over his body to lift his head up and look about the room. The only light in the room was from the moonlight shining in through the window. But it was enough. Robert knew this room. He didn't need any light to maneuver through it.

“I know this room.” He recognizes the wall paper immediately. He reaches out letting his fingers ghost across the wall. He knew this room intimately. “It's Aaron's room....our room.”

“Yes.” The Angel turned to face Robert. Softy streaks of silver could be seen falling down the Angels face.

Tears!

Why was he crying?

Suddenly Robert felt a icy cold sliver of fear and dread seep deep into his bones. The chill froze his blood and stole his breath from his lungs. “Why?”

“Some death were written in stone. Others were not.” The words echoed loudly in the quiet of the room.

Robert didn't understand. But he knew that the Angel was trying to tell him something only he wasn't getting it. He was frightened he didn't want to see what became of Aaron.

His Aaron. His beautiful damaged little grease monkey.

But there was no way he could help himself from looking. Not when it was Aaron. He had no self control when it came to that man. He was both his strength and his greatest weakness. Taking a deep breath he finally turned around and searched out the darkness for his lover. Once his eyes adjusted he could make out the bed and upon that bed was his reason for wanting to better himself.

The Angel stood a silent sentry to the scene about to play out in front of him. His face hidden except for the ethereal glow of his brown eyes. Eyes that had grown dark with the knowledge of what would be revealed.

Robert approached the bed his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He didn't bother with stealth or silence as the slumbering man would not be able to hear him anyway. Once he reached the bed he counted to ten. Taking deep breaths to calm his unsteady nerves. Then with trembling hands he reached for the duvet covering his lover. 

The reveal was anticlimactic at best. Robert was not sure what he would find. What he found was Aaron sleeping like a babe tucked in tightly under the covers. Maybe Aaron was the exception. Maybe Aaron's life actually got better without Robert.

The Angel longed to embrace both men to keep them safe within his arms. But he had his orders. He was to show and guide. Not interfere. With his hands fisted tight by his side he waited. Watched as a false sense of calm fell over Robert's face.

Robert smiled fondly at the sleeping young man. He reached out and let his hand hover over Aaron's face. He knew he wouldn't be able to touch him but he needed to at least be near. Like a phantom his hand moved along Aaron's face. Tracing all the familiar paths they would take. Starting at his bearded cheek down back his neck . Then his thump would trace along his lover's bottom lip. Aaron seemed to sense him or that someone was there. Aaron moved his face closer to where Robert's hand hovered near. Robert chuckled softly when Aaron pulled the duvet around him tighter. Aaron was a cuddlier. Always had been. So seeing him tangled in the duvet was normal. So normal in fact that Robert smiled in relief. 

The Angel continued his watch, sympathy and longing etched deeply on his face.

Robert leans down slightly breathing in deeply of Aaron's calming sensual scent. A soft snuffling sound coming from the bed has him laughing out loud. “I tease him so much over that.” Robert speaks around the tightness in his throat so overwhelmed with love for this man. “He has no idea that I love that little snore. I stay awake until I hear that sound. Because sometimes that's the only way I know that I'm not dreaming. That he truly chose to be with me.” Robert leans in closer places a ghost of a kiss in the air above his mouth. Then moving his head to side so he can whisper in his ear. “I love you.” 

Aaron makes a soft whining sound and moves closer to where Robert is kneeling by the bed. “Please.” Aaron begs lost in a dream. His soft gravely voice filled with loneliness and longing. For what he didn't know. For who he couldn't tell. There had been no one in this life time. Not since Jackson.

Robert sensing the emotions of his lover looks back to the Angel. So many question he wants to ask but they will have to wait. Because there is a loud banging noise coming from downstairs. Now heavy footsteps are making their way closer and closer to the room. Suddenly Robert had this urgent need to gather Aaron in his arms. This need to protect him keep him safe. But from what? From whom?

The answer comes in the next second when the door to the room slams open. Startling the sleeping man. Aaron wakes and sits up in bed and watches with wide terror filled eyes. 

Sanding there in the doorway all menace and lust filled was Aaron's own personal monster.

Gordon stood there gazing into the room. His eyes glued to the bed or more precisely the man in the bed. Even in the moonlight Robert could see the glint of lust and want shining in Gordon's eyes. 

“No!” Robert yelled out screaming at the monster that should be dead. “I don't understand Gordon is dead.” He turned his confused and frightened gaze on his companion.

“In your time line he is dead.” The Angel looked sad his dark brown eyes focused on the young man trembling on the bed. “Here the monster still lives.”

“No....Aaron. I'm so sorry.” Tears fall continuously down Robert's face. His heart racing with fear for his lover....no fiancee. All he could do was watch and rage as the monster drew closer to his love.

“Did ya miss me son?” Gordon's movements across the room resembled that of a serpent tracking its prey. The silent predator slithering closer while its intended prey could do nothing about the danger stalking him. Just sit and wait for the viper to strike.

Robert watched in horror as Gordon pulled the blanket off of Aaron and gazed lecherously on the uncovered flesh. Robert had been wrong. So fucking wrong. Aaron was not okay not even close. With the duvet removed Robert could see the damage done to Aaron's body. There were so many scars. Too many. There was no spot of flesh left unmarred. Robert looked into Aaron's eyes and flinched at what he saw. The beautiful blues eyes were filled with desperation and despair. But underneath that Robert could see the dull acceptance of his fathers unnatural love and attention. 

This Aaron for all intense purposes was already dead. 

“By tomorrow he will be. By his own hands.” The Angel confessed.

A soft grunt escaped Aaron's mouth as Gordon fell upon his son. Suddenly it was too much for Robert to handle. He couldn't just stand by and let that animal touch Aaron. No Aaron was too strong to let Gordon win. Robert would remind him. Together they would beat him again. “Get away from him. You fucking pervert!” Robert moved to attack Gordon. Wanting to rip the bastard off and away from Aaron. When Robert tried his hands, like they did with Andy, would only move through the monster. 

All too soon the room filled with painful moans and breathless pleas. Whimpers of “please stop” were silenced with a slap to the face. Hands violent with lust left behind dark bruises on pale skin. 

“He's your son! You fucking arse!” Robert made to launch another attack when he felt himself pulled away from the room. His stomach once again turned inside out with the movement. When they stopped he didn't hold back this time. He couldn't. He fell to his knees and vomited all over the ground. Chest heaved with effort and his throat burned with bile.

“Why. Why would you let that happen.” Robert sat up wrapping his arms tight around his knees rocking. “He doesn't deserve that. He fought so hard and overcame what that bastard did to him.” Robert could feel his anger begin to take over his grief. “He beat him!” Robert screamed at the top of his lungs. “He sent him to prison! He fucking won!”

The Angel had his back turned on the angry man. Though he was a celestial being he had been a mortal man of flesh and blood once. So to witness what that monster was doing to his son had affected him deeply. He had to remind himself that what they witnessed was what could've been. Not what is or was.

“He did beat him. In your time line.” The Angel moved over to where the mortal man sat curled into himself. “With your help. But since you are not born here. No one was there for Aaron when he needed it the most. You were not there to find Aaron and take him to hospital when he cut himself too deep. It was Gordon who found him and took him instead. Without you there to talk to him his secrets stayed intact. You were not there to keep after him, asking him to trust you and unburden himself. No one asked. There was no one to tell or listen when his father raped him again.”

“No this is over okay. I want to go home. I want to go home to Aaron.” Robert could barely talk through the sobs that wracked his body. “I want Vic back and Aaron and Liv. I want my little family. Please I want Aaron. I want him safe and whole in my arms. I need him. I'll take my chances with the police. Please send me back. I just want him happy and safe.”

The Angel looked down at his charge and nodded. Robert felt his head spin as the colors faded and blended together. He was being sent home. 

Please let me be going home. Please take me home to Aaron.”


	3. Back to the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert comes to the end of his journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading this. I am very grateful as I am a very nervous writer and panic poster. Meaning that as soon as I post I panic thinking I should have changed a part that was bugging me. Again thanks for the kudos and comments.

 

 

*******

The Angel stood silent watching the man crumble before him. The mans grief was a physical thing. The mans whole body bleeding it out with each scream and yell of his love. The celestial being had only the vaguest of memories of being alive of breathing, eating and loving. But....

 

Grief and pain.

 

Those he remembered vividly. Bright loud colors. Not to fade or forget. It was his one sin that he carried with him from the other side. He brought such pain to those who loved him. What he had asked of them. Nearly destroyed his lover and caused a darkness to settle deep in his lover's heart. One that has yet to heal. For the pain he caused,that would be his cross to bear in the afterlife. Right now he can see that same pain etched upon his charges face. His soul aches and griefs with him.

 

“Robert remember this is not real. This was to show you what could have been. Not was is.” The Angel moved closer to the mortal man. Leaning down he whispered words that had no sound yet carried healing and hope with them.

 

Robert felt a calming warmth spread through him. The panic and fear fading to a dull ache. He could feel the Angel near him. Then he heard the Angel's voice in his head.

 

“ _Open your eyes Robert. Your home.”_

 

Robert did as the Angel instructed he opened his eyes and released a loud sob. He was back at the quarry kneeling close to the edge. The relief to be back home was so strong that he bent forward until his forehead touched the cold earth in prayer of thanks.

 

The Angel nodded in acceptance of both. He stood next to his charge unseen and unheard as his job was now done. He would remain with Robert for a little while longer. Wanting to see the conclusion of Robert's celestial journey.

 

Robert looked up at the dawning sky. “Thank you. For bringing me home.” A star shot across the sky before blinking out of existence. “Aaron!” Robert rose on unsteady legs making his way to his car and home to Aaron.

 

Before he knew it Robert was parked outside The Woolpack screaming out for his lover. “Aaron!” He called out running into the dark and empty pub. “Aaron!” he called out again making his way to the back to their living quarters. “He's got to be here. Please he has too.” Robert felt his chest tighten in panic and doubt.

 

“Aaron!”

 

Quiet was his only answer. Robert stumbled over to the couch letting himself fall onto it in despair. “Where is he.” Robert felt sick to his stomach as the nightmare he witnessed replayed in his head.. “Aaron.”

 

“Robert.” his name floated out of the darkness like a beam of light leading him home.

 

 

“Aaron.'” Robert jumped up from the couch and stared at his lover unable to move. Too overwhelmed.

 

Aaron approaches slowly cautiously with his hand reaching out to soothe the older man. “Robert?” Aaron's voice is tinged with worry as he bites down on his bottom lip.

 

It is that familiar gesture that breaks the hold on Robert. Suddenly he is flying across the room engulfing his lover in his arms. All the bad memories of the other time begin to fade away. Aaron with the empty eyes and new scars and too thin body. This Aaron...his Aaron was healthy and strong. Stubborn, grumpy, and free of any monsters from his past.

 

“ _Never let him go!”_ Robert hears the Angel whisper in his head.

 

“I'll never let you go.” Robert vows to the other man. Crushing him in his embrace. “I've got you and I'm never letting go.” he promises burying his nose in his lovers neck. Inhaling deeply he savors the fresh scent of home on his lover's skin.

 

Aaron's breath left him with the fierceness of his lovers embrace. His movements halted, so tightly was he held against Robert's chest. “Robert.” Aaron struggled to pull back so he could focus on his lover's face. “What's going on? Where have you been? We've been going crazy looking for...” his words muffled, his breath once again stolen by Robert's kiss.

 

“ _Love him. Tell him every day.”_

 

“I love you. God I love you so much.” Robert's eyes traced along the beloved face of his young fiancee. Aaron was here in his arms, safe in his arms. No Gordon. No pain, no fear. Just beautiful blue eyes filled with love, trust and confusion. Robert chuckled softy. “I'm home. That's all that matters.” Robert rubbed his nose along Aaron's needing the contact to erase what he had seen in the other time line.

 

Aaron pressed closer to his fiancee. He didn't know all that happened this night but he could tell Robert needed to hold and be held. Aaron ran his hands through his fiancee hair. His fingers gently sliding through the silky locks.

 

“There's something I need to tell you.” Robert can feel Aaron's body tense against him. “I did something stupid.”  
  
“I know.” Aaron gives him a soft little smile. “DS Wise came by with another agent. They told me what happened.”

  
“Oh. So when are they coming for me?” Robert pulled Aaron even tighter against him. He was not ready for this. He didn't know how he was going to let Aaron go. He had to face his mistake. “I'm sorry. I let you down.”  
  
Aaron smiled softly and shook his head. “Their not.”

 

“What? But I thought ….I.....” Robert couldn't even find the words to finish his questions. He was confused and anxious. Was this some kind of trap or joke. “I don't understand.”

 

“MI5 are not interested in you. They only wanted your client. Apparently he has some international charges pending on him as well in the States. The FBI were very hard press to get him. They have been working with MI5 on the case.” Aaron told him. “Wise came along because he knew you. He wanted to reassure you and me that everything was fine. That they were not going to pursue any charges on you. And to make sure you were okay.”

 

“Serious?” Robert was stunned could this really be happening?

 

“Yeah apparently this guy was a supplier for several different cartels. He was on top of the FBI list. Drug trafficking and all the good things that come with it. He was one nasty man.” Aaron shuddered thinking of what could have happened to Robert. “He has killed people for saying no to him. If you hadn't agreed you would be dead. They know that.” Aaron shuddered he did not want to live in any world that Robert didn't exist in. “I was so worried when I couldn't find you. I thought something had happened to you. We've searched all night.”

 

“I'm fine. I was just panicking. Trying to come up with a good excuse for what I did.” Robert couldn't believe it. He had been so sure he had nothing left in this world. Aaron once he knew would surely leave him. “I was so stupid.”

 

“Yes you are. But if you didn't do something stupid, then you wouldn't be my Robert. Would you.” Aaron teased.

 

“No I wouldn't.” Robert had only darkness last night. He was sure about that. So sure that he walked along the edge of the quarry ready to jump off. He'd been such a fool. So quick to find a solution to a problem that didn't even exist.

 

Suddenly Robert heard his Angel's voice back in his head.

 

_At night all your problems look worse. Because you have no distractions all you can do is lie there and think. But if you can make it through the night. You can see that what you thought was a mountain too high to climb was actually just a hill distorted by shadows. Don't fear the shadows Robert. Because you have a light, Aaron is that for you._

 

“You are my light?” Robert whispered softly.

 

“I'm your what?” Aaron looked adorably confused and grumpy. How is that even possible Robert thought.

 

“You light my way when I can no longer see. You give me so much hope.” Robert clasped Aaron's face. “Starting today I will never forget that.”

 

Aaron felt a warmth deep in his chest. A place that had been held back, kept locked. It was just a small corner of his heart that he had kept separate from the rest. Just a small piece of his heart that no one had ever been able to touch. It was a cold spot. A spot that held him back from fully committing to Ed. But now the lock on that door burst open and he felt a calming warmth where before there had only been cold.

 

“Neither will I.” Aaron raised up onto his toes so that he could be eye to eye with Robert. “You give me courage.”

 

“No you already had courage. I just gave you that push you needed.” Robert's breath catches as Aaron gives him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. He feels his body react to the closeness of his lover. But before he can press Aaron against the door and have his wicked way with him he hears the door to the pub slam open. The sound is quickly followed by several loud bickering voices.

 

“ _We looked everywhere!”_

 

“ _There is no other place to look.”_

 

“ _We can't just give up. Aaron would never stand for that.!”_

 

“ _Yeah well Sugden better hope I don't find him. Making our Aaron worry like that.”_

 

Robert!” Liv yells before launching herself at the man. Aaron barely moves safely out of the way before Robert has an armful of Liv. “Don't ever scare us like that again.” She tells him.

 

“I'm sorry. I promise I won't.” Robert kisses Liv on the forehead and braces himself for the rest of the family. Soon he is surrounded by Dingles and Diane, Doug, Adam and......He chokes back a sob when he sees her. “Vic.” he yells pulling his sister into hug.

 

“Robert you idiot we have been searching all night for you.” Vic pulls back from the hug and punches Robert on the arm. “Aaron was a right mess after DI Wise visited. Don't ever do anything like that again.”

 

“I promise Vic. I won't. I'm just so happy to see you.” Robert tells the rest of his family. “All of you.” Everybody begins talking over each other trying to get the story out of him. Robert smiles and pulls Aaron back into his arms.

 

“Oi!” Sam shouts. “We almost forgot it's Christmas!” the silence that had followed his shout is lost again in another burst of talking and hugging. In midst of the chaos Robert looks up and see's Aaron staring back at him. They share a smile and make a silent promise to sneak away later. But for now both men were going to enjoy being surrounded by their family and the comfort and joy they give them.

 

*******

The Angel stood in the corner of the room watching, a soft smile on his face. He jumps when he feels a hand land on his shoulder.

 

A soft echoing laughter fills the air. “You must really care about them to be so preoccupied that you did not hear my approach.”

 

“Yeah.” he answers wistfully. “I do.”

 

The older celestial studied the other. He could see that there was once a connection to this family. One that did not sever even in death. Interesting. “I see you earned your wings.” he moved closer to admire the soft feathers. “They suit you.”

 

“Yes. Though they were not the reward I craved.” The angel kept his dark eyes focused on one particular figure in the room.

 

The other Angel turned his attention to the young man that his companion was so vested in. “You should have no cravings. Of those sorts.”

 

The Angel laughed. “No you are right I have no such cravings. Just an echo of memory.” He watched as the young man made his way over to his charge. He took in all the features of the young man. The frown that usually set upon his brow was gone smoothed out in contentment and happiness. “He's happy. He has someone to love him as he deserve. More importantly he has learned to let himself be loved.”

 

“Come Jackson. It's time to go.” The angel beckoned.

 

“Good bye Aaron. I love you.” Jackson saw Aaron turn toward where he stood. His blue eyes searching the room. “Be happy.” with those words both Angels faded away leaving the mortals to celebrate.

 

Aaron stared at the door. He was certain for just a moment he though he saw...........

 

“Hey you're standing beneath the mistletoe.” Robert pulled the young man into his arms and kissed him. With the kiss he felt another part of himself balance out. This was where he was meant to be. Here in the arms of his grumpy scrapper. Keeping him happy and loving him like he deserves for the rest of their lives. There is nothing about this life that he would change. With that thought he deepened the kiss.

 

A collective cheer erupted in the room as the pair continued their kiss. Robert continued to hold and kiss a blushing Aaron. Not even the teasing of Cain or the complaints of Liv would make him stop.

 

_His own personal light. To light his way through the darkness and dispel the shadows that threaten and chase him._

 

The End

 


End file.
